I used to think that mystics and gurus were special – I mean they are, but in a way that they had something I didn’t and probably never would. They had a certainty and peace that I was desperately seeking, they seemed to KNOW something and write or teach about it with such confidence. If only I could work out what that ‘something’ was. In all the stories I read, it seemed that this ‘awakening’ or ‘union with God’ or ‘peace that passeth understanding’ just happened, by Grace, to these ‘special’ people.

In 2006, Grace came for me and the peace, stillness, unity, uncaused joy and feeling of home put an end to all seeking. I now know that what the mystics through the ages have written about is available to us all and my experience at the moment is that it is both true that it is available only by Grace and also true that there are practices that can make you Grace-prone.

There is nothing you can ‘do’ AND it seems that some apparent ‘doing’ can open you up to this Grace. Like there nothing you can “do” to make the guest come to visit, but you can invite them and keep the house clean and have fresh flowers in the vase. I like this image of cleaning house and surrendering, because it’s so much like that. I hope I remember to come back to this idea.

I don’t want to imply in any way that I now abide in a constant state of equanimity, peace and repose, that I am never triggered and always act lovingly. Oh that that were true! I have a husband and kids and I am very, very human. Something I love about the Christian Mystics is that they always still fully own their humanity.

If you’ve been in nondual circles for any amount of time you will eventually hear stories of what the so-called ‘enlightened’ teachers are like behind the scenes. I love the name of the book ‘After the Ecstacy: the laundry’ by Jack Kornfield (although I haven’t read it). You may have experienced the unconditioned, the pure and ineffable nature of God but there is still this conditioned human here, with its traumas and triggers. A glimpse of God is just the beginning, the cleanup is a lifetime’s work, it’s just more enjoyable (and seems quicker?) when you know, beyond doubt, that you are always already home and it’s good, very good.

This substack is a place where I plan to share my musings and learnings. I have struggled to start because I really feel I know nothing at all (and there is nothing to know) and yet there is a movement to share my unfolding experience. This is only my little Heather-human perspective, nothing at all can be said of the ineffable, but it’s fun to try! I love reading and sharing the mystics, I love this world and above all, I love God.

H